Couchella

Moving into digs was the dream from the second I moved into res. Living with my friends with a free range on all activities, noise levels, and no fire drills? I was ready. What I wasn’t ready for was the fact that my friends and I were squatters in our own house.

“Okay so the couch might take a while,” Mirren said as she got off the phone with her mother. “There’s an issue with the courier.”

“It’s fine.” We all shrugged. I victoriously held up a Christmas present I got from my aunt.

“We’ll have one chair.” I announced. “My aunt got me this... uh… inflatable chair thing.” I moved the box around in my hands and tried to read the instructions.

“Do we inflate it ourselves?” Myticia asked.

“You’re all smokers.” I said still reading the instructions. “You’d all die before it reached halfway.”

“Just take it to BP.” Mbali answered while sipping on her tea. “I’m sure one of the guys will know what to do.”

The guys at BP knew what to do. I showed up there with a sheepish grin and awkwardly asked for help but not even ten minutes later I was returning home with an inflated chair taking up the space in my rear-view mirror.

“It’s so comfy.” Mirren groaned and threw a blanket over herself, claiming the spot as her as soon as I set it down.

“It’s so round.” I tilted my head a little.

“It kind of looks like an egg.” Myticia said while staring at it.

“Hey, it kinda does.”

The egg became the favourite piece of furniture in the house because, well it kind of was the only piece of furniture in the house for a while. Not to say we didn’t make our own arrangements.

“Wait, I’ve got a big pillow.” I said and ran to my room before quickly returning and chucking it at Rumbi’s face.

“Thanks Pumpkin,” She replied. Shifting, she laid the pillow underneath her on the stretcher and made herself comfortable. Sitting on the floor in front of her and Mbali and picked up my glass of juice from the floor and stared up at the tv.

Before me was a single side table where my laptop sat connected to the tv (which came with the house). Around me were my friends lounging on the floor with their plates of food around them. As soon as someone left the egg or the stretcher the opened seat was fair game, it was a fight to the death because the wooden floors were only so comfortable for a certain amount of time.

We were used to it though, merely counting down the days until the couch arrived. During this period of a couch less house we were very hesitant about inviting people over. We had a dysfunctional kitchen, a stretcher that pretended it was a couch, and an egg that was slowly dying every day. We were students in a slightly functional household which hated doing the dishes and two broken brooms. I broke the one the same day I broke the padlock, I don’t know how.

Cooking was another story.

“Okay so I practised at home,” I said one night while a spread of ingredients were laid out before me. “And I may be able to produce an edible meal.”

It was pasta. It was always pasta.

“You tripped the power again,” Mirren said tapping away at her laptop.

“Why can’t I boil water and cook at the same time.” I said throwing my hands up in the air. “Why!”

Electricity was an issue as well. If the power went out in our complex our alarms would beep, informing us that yes, we do not have electricity. It was easily the most infuriating sound in the entire world.

“Shut up!” We yelled at the alarm after putting in the code for the fifth time.

“Whose turn is it to get electricity?”

“I got it last time.”

“I don’t feel like driving.”

“I drive, you run in.”

“I don’t have cash.”

We never bought enough electricity.

“Can you buy electricity on your way home?”

“What? We bought two days ago!”

“Yeah but we did laundry and now there is nothing and I need Wi-Fi.”

I came up with my own plan.

“Tshiamo,” I asked one day staring at her with big hopeful eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Can I come over to Oriel and do laundry?”

“Is that even allowed?”

“Tshiamo, I don’t have socks and I need underwear. Please.”

And so, every few weeks, I would sneak into Oriel and do the washing. Towards the end of the year I’m sure everyone knew and were just being kind.

(A cookie shall be given to the person who finds the human in the photo).